A Soupy (Sabaw) Saying

Every time I finish an episode of How I Met Your Mother, I’m always left amused by the comedy or simply at how crazy their lives are. But most of the time as well, I’m left dumbfounded.

You see, How I Met Your Mother is a television series about the main character, Ted Mosby, recounting the long tale of how he met the mother of his kids (to whom he is talking to, usually at the start of every episode). His tale though spins back to a lot of years back. And what we, the audience see, is not just a story of how things happened that led to the meeting of Ted and his wife, but the adventures he had with his friends that led to the point of this whole series.

So now where’s the connection between being left dumbfounded and the story of this series you may ask?

Well, for it to make sense, I’ll tell the story the same way Ted did.

Big changes happened when college life started. From the City of Golden Friendship down south, I flew to the bustling metropolis of Metro Manila to study. The school work is heavier. Technology is more up-to-date. The city is bigger. Skylines are higher. Malls and places to see are more extravagant. The people are more in a rush.

But for someone who came from out far, much like how Katniss Everdeen of Hunger Games went from far-off District 12 to the shiny Capitol, the biggest change yet would be how I’ll stay here. We have relatives here but their homes are very considerably far from where Ateneo is located. Plus, we wouldn’t want to disturb them by having me around. So my parents decided that I would live in the dorm. The three of us knew it was what we could afford, and it’s inside the campus itself – so I’m assured of the security, the studying aura and almost everything else.

The big catch was I’d definitely be on my own. Yes, it was a moment similar to when Raven Symone’s character in College Road Trip finally bade farewell to her parents as she entered the dormitory of Georgetown University. And that meant practically my whole life would change.

At first I thought living without my family around would be a cinch, as I’ve gone on weekend trips back in high school for projects or extracurricular activities. Turns out, both can’t be equated. I could survive weekends back then, but I never expected that one semester could indeed last so long. That’s five months without the usual things in the house around.

First, I’d have to ration money on my own and be responsible about spending it. Neither my mother nor my father is around for some quick cash whenever I’m required to pay something in school. Scary task at first but later on I got the hang of it. Second, the laundry isn’t as quick as the one back home; wherein overnight, the outfit I wore today could be worn again tomorrow as if it wasn’t put on at all. Nope, laundry came in usually two days after I handed it over. Third, there’s no yaya who would sweep the floor or iron my clothes. It’s just going to be me doing those now. And lastly, food isn’t always available whenever I feel like grabbing a snack. There’s no more fridge around to store emergency snacks I’d want to munch on in the late nights.

These things of course were just little changes that I had adapted to easily. But one thing that couldn’t be adapted to is indeed, not having or feeling the presence of one’s family around. Sometimes they would give a call, to ask me how I’m doing – but over time calls have just sadly reduced to soulless, voiceless text messages. I would want to reply but I’d rather call them up and really talk, than send something that is devoid of genuine emotion, and make us both feel better. Then there’s also Facebook, Yahoo Messenger or Skype but the communication that happens is really different from the actual one. Moreover, it’s hard to get over not having my sisters around. I might have been a bad brother to them back then but without them around, I just feel lonelier. I don’t have fellow teenagers to share school talk or current trends with as openly and as long as possible. Plus, there’d be no one who’d call me “Kuyamoks” or “Kuya-mokoy”.

 “Challenge accepted,” as Barney Stinson said. And I too said the same thing to the idea that I wouldn’t miss my family that much (or that I could control the feeling of wanting them around). News flash: challenge failed. Why did I challenge myself in the first place anyway? That was just heartless and arrogant of me to think initially of never missing my family back home. And, I do miss them very much. It’s really different to have them around as to have them be reachable via phone or internet.

I’m lucky though that once in a while my mom or my dad goes here to break the loneliness. It’s a way for them to check up on me and also a way for me to concretely feel connection to my family once again. Other times, it’s my uncle and aunt who come over and invite me to go around malls or simply for dinner. And whenever this happens, when they give me visits and we go out together, yes I do become happy. It’s the “good life” as my roommates call it.

But when I’m in the “good life”, it doesn’t necessarily mean the loneliness disappears. Apparently, sometimes it’s still there. I remember once that upon getting into my uncle’s car on the way to their house from SM Megamall, my heart just sank. It felt heavy and a little bit empty; as if something was missing. Indeed, something was. During that time when I was with my uncle it had been two months since I was last together with any family member. To be exact, the last time I was with family from that day was during Christmas break, because I flew back to Manila on my own without any companion other than a high school classmate. But yes, no family member nearby.

And then I realized I was missing another family – my roommates.

They’re the people I practically live with everyday. They have become my second family, thanks to the dorm community that bonded us. You see, the dorm I live in is not the usual dorm – you know, the one where it’s just for sleeping, staying, studying (if ever) and nothing else – for it’s basically a home. If we had Zoom: Freshmen OrSem back in June, weeks after that we had another OrSem for freshmen dormers, Ground Breaking – ensuring that everyone gets to know each other and find people to bond with. It was one tiring week but I guess it was worth it in the end. And not only did I bond with my roommates, but with some other batch mates as well. Heck, I guess I’ve made a lot of friends actually here in the dorm community.

My roommates and I are pretty much tight. We go out for dinner often as much as we do delivery for late night work. Though we study on our own most of the time, help’s usually around when one needs it – just shout a question to everyone and one’s bound to respond. We hang out in malls and discover new places in Manila whenever we could. And yes, most of the time we’d be laughing our hearts out of even the greenest jokes. That though, I’m not going to delve in any further; I’d save that for another story.

Now, let’s go back to that rather lonesome moment in my uncle’s car. It was my first time, in a very long time I’d say, that I was away from them. Sure, they themselves have been in and out once in a while, but I don’t know why that when I was the one who left it really felt somewhat lonely for me. When you’re friends with someone, even if no matter close, not having them around isn’t really a big deal – that’s because you have family to stick with at home. But my situation is different. My family is basically not around; that’s a big deal already. And not having my close friends around? That just makes it worse.

Now this is where what I’ve said in the beginning comes in. I was left dumbfounded because seeing Ted and his friends reminded me of my own crazy adventures with these guys I’ve also considered my family, my “bros”. Because on that night when I watch an episode of How I Met Your Mother was a night of a long weekend, and on this long weekend three of my friends went home to their provinces, leaving me and another roommate of mine in the dorm. Furthermore, there was a big party that night in Taguig and my last roommate invited me to it. I declined the offer for some reason. Well, I don’t really party when there’s no real reason to celebrate, so maybe that’s why. So I was left alone, watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother and got banged in the head as to why am I doing in my room all by myself and not out there spending a Saturday night the way it ought to be spent.

I guess I could say that, sometimes we may as well be better off alone. Sometimes, not all the times okay. Yes, it hurts to a certain great degree especially when even the closest people in your life aren’t around but it may as well be what one really needs. On that night, I was able to give time to myself and myself alone. “Me” time came at last I suppose. I was able to finish work needed to be done (well, most of it) and I got to enjoy some quiet time in this restless metropolis. I mean, going to malls or partying can be enjoyable but a little quiet time wouldn’t hurt as well. It was a way for me to cut off from the noisy world even just for a night. It was lonely, but it was a loneliness I enjoyed.